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A Look at Estrangement: Jacob and Esau

Most of us have heard the story of Jacob and Esau. But a refresher never hurt anyone.

Before I delve into it, I want to make a very clear note: stories in the Bible don't automatically mean they are examples for us to follow. Understanding the Bible is learning how to understand works of literature. Just how we have fiction and commentary, biographies and poetry, so it's the same thing in the Bible.


The book of Genesis, which is part of a bigger series, is a narration of what's happened since the beginning of the world. From the very moment Adam and Eve sinned, we see nothing but chaos. There are so many extremely heartbreaking and even disgusting stories that happen in the book of Genesis. Yet, in all of it, there is hope that God won't abandon people to their sin forever. Even though we rightly deserve the consequences sin brings, God is faithful regardless of what we do. Genesis gives an overview in the first eleven chapters about what mankind has done in a fallen world. Then in chapter twelve, it focuses in on a specific man and his future family- Abraham. Abraham's family is who God chooses to bring redemption in the world, but that's a long ways away.


This is where we see the story of Jacob and Esau. And how today, more than 3,000 years later, this same story still applies to us who deal with estrangement.


Ready to get started?


Jacob and Esau were twin brothers born to Isaac, Abraham's son. From the moment they were born, they were in a fighting mode. In fact that's why Jacob is named what he is. He literally grabbed Esau's foot while they were being born. (Poor Rebekah!) They were as opposite as brothers could be. Esau was a rugged outdoor man who caught game and stayed out for long periods of time. Jacob liked to dwell in the tents and cook.

Now, Jacob had always been a schemer, someone trying to get ahead through mischievous methods. (Already sounds a lot like my own sibling dynamics!) One day, when Isaac was old and blind, Jacob saw an opportunity to steal a blessing that was reserved for the oldest son. Through an elaborate plan, he stole the blessing and gained an enemy. His brother.

You can read the specifics in Genesis twenty seven about how the plan happened.


Jacob stole Esau's inheritance. And Esau was livid. So livid that he planned on murdering his brother. Jacob's mom caught wind of Esau's plan, told Jacob and helped him escape.


Thus began their 20+ year estrangement. And I thought my family had problems...


What do we takeaway from this?


First, sin is damaging.

Jacob was wrong to deceive his father and steal from his brother. When we sin, it leaves behind ripple effects. Not only does it damage the people immediately effected, but also the passerby. When Jacob left home, that was the last time he would see his mother alive. He would then continue to repeat his problems over and over again, damaging more people. Let estrangement be a lesson, not a pattern.


Estrangement can be necessary even when we've messed up.

If Jacob didn't leave there was a really good chance that Esau was going to kill him. Yeah, Jacob caused his problems but there are times when we need to get away from the problem to confront ourselves with the root. I don't mean to say that you should always choose estrangement. If things can be handled in a cordial manner, then try to work it out as best as you can. But estrangement tends to happen when sin is too much. (Like wanting to murder someone, abusive behavior, deception over and over again, etc.,)


Do your best to reconcile.

In chapter thirty two, Jacob comes back home. He's just come back from wrestling with God and finally submitting to His ways. (Jacob was a stubborn dude okay?!) In returning, he knew just how wrong he was. Jacob had two plans. One plan was to bring a peace offering to show Esau how sorry he was. The other plan was to find a way to escape if Esau hadn't forgiven him.

When you are the offending party, you can't make up for the damage you have done, but you can at least acknowledge the cost. Jacob didn't bring a gift to cover up the damage. He brought a gift because he knew how wrong he was. He knew that his brother had the right to continue to be angry with him forever. And guess what, Jacob was scared out of his mind. The Bible describes his as "greatly afraid and distressed.". That would make a lot of sense if the last time you saw your brother he was wanting to kill you. Yet, Jacob still had to do the right thing.


Personally, I don't know if he would have been able to go through with that reunion if he hadn't met with God first. If he hadn't found peace with God first. That's not to say everything with God is suddenly magical. No, but peace with God brings strength and resolve.


Thankfully, Esau and Jacob were able to reunite. The Bible says that tears were shed. That's the hope from estrangement. Hopefully there will be unity again. Hopefully there will be restoration. In the meantime, while you're in your waiting, do you best to make peace as much as possible. Romans 12:18, encourages us to do that. Estrangement shows us that it's not always possible. But do the best you can. Continue to submit yourself to God. Use discernment in tough relationships. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.


One day God will make everything right. There will be a completion of justice and grace. Hopefully, more than anything, we find ourselves no longer estranged from God, our ultimate relationship.

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