Brokenness in relationships causes us to be anxious for God to restore. But our understanding of restoration differs. Sometimes we want things back to the way that they were before the fallout. But God doesn't work like that. God makes things whole again but not without addressing the root cause.
In our search for restoration, we might have a "bandaid" mentality. Some people really don't like/know how to deal with conflict. So they neglect themselves and proper boundaries. They will cover up or excuse a person's behavior thinking that it's a loving thing to do. We take scripture like "Love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Pet 4:8), and think that we remain hush-hush about sin. Or ignore it's faults.
The problem with using one verse is that we don't get the full effect of God's heart. God never wants us to cover what is wrong for the sake of covering. His heart is to redeem- make new- again.
The effect of us covering up sin is like not properly mending a broken leg. If we don't make sure the leg is healing correctly, identifying the weak points, supporting, etc., then the leg will grow back incorrectly. And you won't be able to walk straight again.
Some of us are walking around with legs that were healed wrongly. We keep coming across the same issues over and over again, wondering why we haven't learned from them. The answer might just be that you need to go back to that old wound. And you might need to break it- again.
When a bone doesn't set correctly, the doctor has to re-break it. It's agonizing to think about. But maybe God is using this estranged relationship to reset what was healed incorrectly. Maybe He's using it to re-break us to that we can better walk. Maybe so we can see the flaws we were covering up or ignoring (consciously or unconsciously.).
One story Jesus told was regarding unclean spirits. (Luke 11:24-26)He was explaining that when one unclean spirit leaves and comes back to find what was cleaned unoccupied, it will come back with more unclean spirits and stronger than ever. We ca want to be restored but if we don't replace it with something better, more demons come back. They're stronger the second time around. Perhaps as God is cleaning house, He's trying to get your attention of what is truly first place in your life.
Did you put your family above God? Your friend? Your spouse?
In estrangement, we see the frailty of human relationships. When we ask God to open our eyes, we can see things for what they are. When we don't run away from the pain we can be open to the healing. God cannot heal what you won't name. So maybe it's time we stop running from the pain of estrangement. Maybe it's time we face it head on. No more covering up. No more flowery words.
Let's be honest before God and ourselves. Once we're honest, God can start doing the work we need.
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