Hi friend,
It's been a while since I showed my face around here. When I started writing it was because I had the free time while I took space to process the practical portions of my grief. But since returning to work, I've found myself in a different routine.
And on a technical side, this particular platform isn't the most user friendly when wanting to share information the way that I have. So I have devoted a lot of time towards other platforms to help share the process of emotional healing from estrangement and grief.
All that being said, I didn't want you to feel as if you're unimportant. Rather, I highly value the fact that you chose to say yes to hearing from me. And that means a lot. I'm in the process of evaluating my best options on this wide open internet space and I intend to take you on the journey with me.
As an update:
It's now been over 7 months since my family's world has been flipped upside down. I'm not better and I'm not worse. I'm just processing the pain and practical things as they come. From experience, I like to hide behind busyness and activities while my pain grows unchecked. Thankfully, God is very gracious to me and shows me there is a better way to process. Clinical counseling has been a great tool along with the Church, God's word, scripture and aromatherapy.
When people walk with gaping wounds, it's easy to point out that they need a doctor. But when the wounds are small and undetected, there can be a lot of shame regarding getting help.
"Aren't you strong enough?"
"I don't need medications."
"I bet if you had more faith..."
"You're supposed to be a leader. You need to be careful about what example you're setting."
God is so kind to record humanity in the Bible for what it truly was. As humans, weakness is seen as defeat. But in God's design, it's actually a form of strength because it has the opportunity to display His unending power and mercy. We see the leaders of faith struggle through major trials and personal hang-ups. And yet, their faith is what God sees.
He sees the same in you too. While you might only see the constant weakness, He sees a faith building in you.
One other thing...
I heard on the radio the other day about the story of Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego. Those three were friends of Daniel's in the Bible. You know- Daniel in the Lions Den. Well anyways, these three friends were placed into a fiery furnace because they refused to follow the king's orders to worship him. AKA, betray their faith and worship a false god. The Bible says that the fire was so hot that the men who threw them in died from the heat.
The story continues that when the king asked if they were still alive, someone checked and there were four men all together.
This appearance of the fourth man is established as Jesus.
When they pulled the men out (just the three of them), another significant fact was that nothing was singed and they doesn't even smell like smoke.
They were in one of the darkest and scariest moments of their lives, and when they came out, you would have never known. Not because they were strong. Rather it's because they were not on their own.
That's how I feel like this journey has been for me. I've gone through the fire, but unless you know my story, I don't know if you could tell all the fires I've been through.
On Instagram, I shared a timeline of my story to give context why I care so deeply about processing emotional pain. As I wrote it out, I was blown away at the grace and growth God has allowed me to go through. The girl from four years ago would have never known this God would take care of her so well. Protecting her through all the fire and storms.
This same God can do the same for you if you would let Him. It means walking through some scary unknowns. It means going a path you've never been before and don't understand. But God is good if you allow Him to show you. If you leave your preconceived notions at the door. If you take His hand, He's willing to walk with you....forever.
p.s., going forward, my goal is share one article a month with the hopes of more to come.
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