They say what makes divorce so difficult to go through is that you are mourning something that is still alive. The relationship is dead but the person is still living and breathing in front of you. Anyone who is a product of divorce can understand this sentiment. Even those of you who have had friendships leave can also understand.
It's a difficult thing to become separated in relationships. In many ways it never leaves you. You carry that relationship in your heart for a long time. Especially if it's a close relationship like a best friend or family member.
We don't talk much about the awkwardness and difficulty that occurs when those relationships are strained or cut off. But a mourning happens.
When a relationship, for one reason or another, becomes irreparable, there is a year of firsts that occurs. Just like with death, there is a year of first.
First birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas... only, they aren't publicly recognized. There generally isn't a Facebook post about your first year without that person. There aren't a lot of people checking in to see how your Thanksgiving is going. But it's there nonetheless.
We learn to live with the ache of the strained relationship. Hopefully there will be a future reconciliation. But in the mean time it's hard. It hurts. It's heavy. And we have to go through that mourning. If we avoid it, there is a strong possibility of becoming bitter. That bitterness will bleed out into every area of your life until it fully consumes you. So mourn it. Cry out to God. Share your hurt with Him. Go through your "firsts". Let a friend know. Or if you know a friend, going through this, reach out to them. But whatever you do, acknowledge it. Mourn it. And let God take the brokenness that you feel. Let Him carry that weight for you.
Mourning what is still alive is to understand a glimpse of God's heart. It's understanding the ache He must feel. We mourn thinking no one understands but we forget that God knows the pain of strained relationships. He knows the silence. He understands the hurt. The mourning might seem lonely but God knows. He sees all. He hasn't forgotten you.
The tension you hold with hope and hurt is seen. Place your hope in who God is. I don't know if your story will be redeemed the way you want. But when you place your hope in God, it will never disappoint. So mourn what is alive. Live with hope that only comes from Jesus. It's okay to live in the middle.
Comments