I have alluded to my own estrangement and have discussed it at length in person but I think it needs a permanent space here.
I chose the estrangement and that was very difficult for a lot people to understand because of the relationship. This is my story:
I grew up with a borderline narcissistic father. (You can’t diagnose people who have died or don’t want to be diagnosed.)
There was a lot of emotional & spiritual manipulative abuse. (This all has been confirmed multiple times and especially by my therapist who is brand new to my situation.) There was so much walking around on eggshells, and having to constantly be in control of my emotions for fear that he would react harshly. The last time that I saw him alive, I ran away. Literally.
To say that grief has been complicated is no small thing.
I was estranged from my father for three years and we were still estranged when he died.
Why do I share all of these personal details?
Who I am now, and how far I have come is nothing short than the miracle of the Cross.
As much as I could blame and play a victim (which there are ways I was a victim), the Cross is the great equalizer. And the Cross is where I find forgiveness & redemption for my own sins.
And because of the empty tomb, I no longer play the role of the victim but the victor.
So in sharing my story, I understand that there are nuances to learning how to live the Christian life. I understand the pain and hurt of feeling betrayed by the ones who were supposed to love you the most. And I understand the fog you’re walking through navigating the messiness of emotions and relationship obligations.
And friend-
If you want healing. If you want clarity. If you want peace in the middle of a hopeless situation… it’s possible.
And it all starts at the foot of the Cross.
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