In our journey to become more whole and stable people, we will still have moments where we act like we're two.
I'm talking temper tantrum, scream-cry, lose your mind moments. Sometimes those moments are justified. But most of the time, it's hard for us to come back from those raw emotions. So if you're having a hard time regrouping please know that you're not alone! Emotional regulation is something all of us will continue to grow and adapt in but it takes time, practicing skills, patience and a LOT of grace.
Here is a list of what I do to regulate:
-Breathe
-Set a Timer
-Choose an Activity
-Play music
-Diffuse Oils
-Read the Bible
If you want to know how I use these, keep reading...
So you lost your mind...
Okay.
Seriously. Okay. It will be okay. I want you to take a big deep belly breath. If you don't know what that looks like watch this video first. Good now keep taking deep breaths. Feel the racing emotions slow down. Notice your environment. Use your senses to guide you back down to a grounded state of mind. Keep taking deep belly breaths.
Now the gravity of your outburst might make you fill with shame and embarrassment. Embarrassment is normal. But you need to give yourself grace. Yes, you might know there was a better response but shaming yourself isn't healthy and it's not going to get you to the state of calm that God wants you to have. God is not in the shame game. He came to redeem us and to keep redeeming us until He brings us home. So take a minute to forgive yourself and remember that God sees you and knows your humanity.
Now, once we are settled internally, we still might be feeling off. That's totally normal. Intense emotions trigger our stress state. Our body might be having a hard time getting rid of the extra nerves since we aren't in danger but we still need to use them. What I find is helpful is to set a timer. Whatever time you think you need, 5/10/15 minutes, set it and then do an activity.
Give your body a way to healthily release the energy it created. For me, I take the time to clear up "visual clutter" in my kitchen. Some people might find it helpful to go for a walk or color. Others might need to do a quick reset workout. Take the time you need to reset yourself. You can't help others or do your job well if you can't come down from that stress state of being.
While doing an activity, it might be helpful to play some music. Music connects our brain and emotions together. It's wonderful how music can set or reset the tone of our environment. So maybe you might want to think about playing instrumental or uplifting music during your timer. Give your thoughts a second to slow down and just let the music carry you.
When your timer is finished, it might be helpful to diffuse some essential oils. I found that citrus is great when I want to peppy and uplifting reset. Or if my emotions are difficult to come back from, using tree oils like pine help ground me into the here and now. Don't be afraid to go with your gut. Use what you think you need.
Lastly, and more importantly, speak God's word over you. If you have a memory verse you're practicing, read that out loud. Go to the Pslams and read. Or read Proverbs if you need wisdom. But take the time to read God's word and ask yourself who God is. Doing that will help you come out of yourself and regroup you.
Remember that this will take practice. You'll never "arrive" where you don't need to do these things. Rather, the more you do it, it will become muscle memory. Soon it will become part of your habit. Emotional outbursts happen. We're human. It's our ability to come back from it that defines us. So go ahead... do the next right thing.
And if you have ways that have helped you regulate be sure to let me know in the comments so we can help one another!
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