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The Love and Pain of Estranged Relationships

There is no Hallmark card for complicated relationships. There is no card for those estranged. The awkwardness cannot be written neatly. Instead we get a raging grief that lives underneath the surface.

Everyone will grieve differently. But even difficult and complicated grief can still be filled with love.

Even painful relationships, where estrangement happens, is filled with love.

Love, while simple, might look complicated and that’s okay.

Love is not limited to romance.

Love is saying no.

Love is setting a boundary.

Love is having difficult conversations.


Grief and estrangement are easily misunderstood. How can you grieve someone who hurt you so deeply? Grief can be so complicated.


Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” -Jamie Anderson


There is a grief of estranged relationship that cannot be put into words. Pangs of unmet expectations followed with hostility. Pain of knowing the relationship cannot be reunited in the state that it's in. But that doesn't mean love isn't there.


In estrangement, we get a glimpse of God's heart. The ache and hurt He must feel to be separated from His creation. The agony of knowing that He cannot be in relationship with us in our sinful state. The rejection He must feel when we love our sin more. The barrier between Him and us is so loud in it's silence.


In estrangement, we see the messiness of humanity. We feel the aching of broken relationships. We know there is something better but must wait. And sometimes that redemption we hoped for doesn't come. But that doesn't mean love wasn't there.


So if that's you wrestling with the grief and pain of estrangement, you're not alone. I don't know if your redemption is coming. I don't know what the future holds. But may all your paths include love.

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