When Your Family Dynamic is Broken

In 2017, my nuclear family was broken. My mom left my dad after being together for almost 25 years. It wasn't a surprise. In fact it was a long time coming. But when it did happen, it left me feeling broken and confused. I always saw God's faithfulness through the lens of my parents marriage. But now I was going to learn that God's faithfulness transcended structures I was familiar with.

That timeframe was very humbling for me. It allowed me to see what God's word really says about family and brokenness. Sin destroys all good things. From the very beginning of Adam and Eve, sin destroyed the family. The first two children born into this world fought and one was murdered. Talk about dysfunctional. The Bible is littered with dysfunctional family dynamics. I always knew that, but for the first time it started to become living color. I read about the sinfulness and God's faithfulness but for the first time I was pausing. I began to sit in the consequences of sin.

People are so used to their brokenness that they don't know there is a better way. Sin becomes normalized. But those who have been graced with a Godly home, tend to look down on others who have broken homes. They pity and judge the home unaware of their own hypocrisy.

What God showed me in my parents divorce is that all homes have brokenness and dysfunction on some level. That's not to say all homes are unhealthy. There is a tender balance of living in a fallen world. A balance when you become a Christian, to create a better and whole home while also wrestling with sinfulness.

For a while, I thought Jesus pitied others the way I did. I thought He looked into their dysfunction and cleaned it up. What I learned that year was Jesus didn't pity.

He understood.

He lived under the shadow of sin and shame. His family line was filled with murder and adultery. He grew up in a ghetto where poverty and sin weren't covered with fancy items. It wasn't covered up by going to church or doing good deeds. He endured speculation about who His real dad was. He heard about what people thought of His mom. He heard the village gossipers talking about the circumstances of His parent's marriage.

He understood.

And He still understands. He knows the family dynamic of jealousy. He knows the covering up of sin in the home. He knows that people who will criticize and judge because He came from a less than perfect family.

And He redeems. He makes a brand new family. One where you can come as you are and leave completely changed. He doesn't judge your experiences but wants to clean and tend the wounds that sin brings to a dysfunctional family. So if you are feeling ashamed of what's happening in your family, Jesus understands.

Stop comparing yourself to the Christian down the street. Your family dynamic doesn't define you. You aren't bound to the same pain and mistakes your legacy brings.

Everything changed with Jesus.

As a final note, my family was never made whole again earthside. I'm still living in the messy reality. But what is made whole is my understanding of a kind and gracious God who sees. What is made whole is the redemption that's coming. I serve a God who doesn't leave us in this state of brokenness forever. He understands and He rescues.

While I wait for the final rescue, I'll keep sharing my story about a God who sees and heals. I'll keep sharing my story about a God who knows.

He knows because He's lived it.