I was driving down the hill when it came to me. That same condemning voice I heard my whole life. The same voice that ignored me, invalidated me, criticized me, was again criticizing. The power this voice had was so strong. It was berating me. Putting down what I was working so hard to build. It was an oppressive weight that I was so familiar with before.
In that moment I cried out to God.
"God will this voice never leave? Will I never had freedom from this constant criticism?"
It would be almost two years later when the voice went away.
The voice I'm talking about dear friends, is the voice of someone who was supposed to guide, love and protect me. It was so loud and so strong for so long that at times, I thought it was my own voice.
Do you have someone like that in your life? Someone constantly harping on you? Criticizing your every move? Someone who makes you feel like you're not good enough? Is that voice you?
What do we do when the "voice" becomes overbearing? Maybe you've been a Christian for a while and are familiar with God's word. Maybe you know the truth that God says, you're chosen, loved and called for a great purpose. (And if you don't know that, I'm telling it to you right now.)
I wish I could offer you a simple answer. I wish I could offer you, "Say x,y,z, and it will disappear." but truthfully it doesn't work like that.
Your brain, an amazing thing God designed, has been programed to believe and understand things in a particular way. When you have heard that voice for so long, it becomes normal. How you respond to that voice is normal- even if it isn't healthy. There are literal groove patterns in your brain telling you how to respond when you hear that voice again. The patterns you've created are hard to undo. But not impossible.
I think the science of our brains, gives weight to Romans 12:1-2:
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
I want us to focus on the word "renewal". To renew something is to bring to life. Like spring awakening after a long dark winter. That's what we're doing when we come to understand who Jesus is and accept His Lordship over our lives.
To renew our minds is to allow God to awaken us and work in us. And it's going to be repetitive. The reason for that has a lot to do with out physical body.
The truth is freeing but it can feel overwhelming especially when we're doing something against the literal groove patterns of our brain.
Whenever we do something uncomfortable, our brains are literally sending signals to our body telling us that we are in danger and that we will die. Which is why it's so, so, so hard to create a new habit and mindset. It's not a matter of self-will. It's a matter of design. To renew our mind is to allow God to share the truth and for it to be a new pattern and thinking for us. It's a difficult start but God has something much better in store for you than being enslaved to that "voice".
For me to renew my mind, I had to first know the Bible. The Bible is the core foundation of everything that is true. But some folks know that Bible and are actually worse. So what exactly am I talking about?
To know the Bible is to apply it. If you can recite who all the authors are, speak the original languages that it was written in and memorize sections upon sections, but it doesn't change how you live, then it's meaningless.
The Bible is best applied through a community of believers. People who will rub shoulders with your thought-process and personality. People who, though flawed, have decided that Jesus is the best answer.
Memorizing scripture is important too. Don't let my tone fool you. The Bible says that God's word is alive and won't come back empty. God will recall His word to you when you need it. But if it's not stored in your heart how can that happen?
Something else that's important is having songs at your disposal.
When that voice comes around again, the pattern of God's word, His people, songs and especially prayer, won't be able to stand up to it. N, it won't go away right away. You are practicing making new grooves in your brain, but when it comes back, you'll be ready. Each time it comes around, you're testing your spiritual muscles. It takes training and time and discipline.
I really didn't believe that the voice would ever disappear. But I had to constantly hold what it was saying up to the truth. That was difficult because of how manipulating lies can be. The best lies are always filled with a little truth. But when you put a straight stick next to a crooked one, you see the full truth clearly. The practice is hard but you're not alone.
One day, all things will be made COMPLETELY new, but for now while we are living in a fallen world, trust that God sees and wants more victory for you than you have for yourself. That voice won't last forever.
Just take it one day at a time.
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